January 2010
18 posts
I don’t know what is going on anymore. This is not my safe place because she found it and exposed it in anger to the world. My whole life the people who swear to love me have been the same people who have broken me into more pieces than could ever be put back together. I sincerely hope that it makes her feel better at night because I know that she will never understand the magnitude in which...
“I know you’ll think this is crazy, but all I want to do is hold you, and I think...”
– David Guterson, Snow Falling On Cedars (via quotewhore)
I am trying very hard to understand why things happen the way they do. The more I try the more I realize that I am not at all happy with how things have happened lately.
I should get up and get into my car and try desperately to find some escape from this mess. Instead I will get up and go lock myself in the bathroom where I will find temporary peace in old habits.
I’ve made choices that I wish I hadn’t. There is nothing I can do about it now. I keep thinking of how to go about it but there is really no good way. I feel like a ticking time bomb.
I'm pretty sure.
That at this point it doesn’t matter what I say.
Zombie mode. I don’t want to play this game anymore. So I’m not. I quit.
Maybe I thought you could make me what everyone else was. Maybe I thought you could teach me to be like everyone so I wouldn’t think like such an outsider. My mind works in ways not many can follow. It strings out complicated words and mazes of feeling. I do not belong in this world. It is not my world. I’m ready to leave. I apologize for the let down.
sometimes we keep things going because we don’t want to deal with all the trouble of ending it.
Not enough to kill me, I thought it out too fast.
I go back and read old writing like this and it makes me wonder who I was in that mind state. I’d buy a book I wrote years ago.
xthekeeperx:
I can’t remember the last time we spoke to one another without all hell breaking loose. If you want my words you can have them, I’ll take them out of my pocket just for you. On some worn out, folded up piece of paper. I’ll place them right in the...
I
listen to Jay-z a lot.
I wear skinny jeans most of the time.
I prefer sweat pants at home.
Girls who wear noticeable make up aren’t my cup of tea.
My phone is always on me.
I sleep bad feelings off.
I have to have at least one shower a day.
Tattoo ink is my fix.
Going fast makes me feel like I’m in control of something.
A tube of Burts Bee’s chap stick is the only thing...
Maybe me we are only invincible once we have been broken into so many pieces that we can never be mended again.
“You speak blasphemy.” She said.
“Fluently.” I whispered.
Ready set?
Gofuckyourself.
I want to get another tattoo soon.
I want to be eighteen in sooner than seven months.
I want to spend two weeks with Emily with nothing at all to do.
I want to throw my cell phone in the ocean. (Even if I would just go buy another one)
I will accomplish all of the above this year.
Game over.
I wish I could tell everyone everything.
You have a heart made of ice.
This year will be hell for you.